"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you find you get what you need."
- Rolling Stones
Been unapologetically AWOL. Sometimes you don't want to share your thoughts, and the past couple of weeks that's been me. I've been a surly fuck and didn’t want to share. This time it hasn't been on the depression tip, it's been on the entitled tip.
Everyone has at least one talent. Everyone has something that they are born with (or unintentionally developed) that they are better at, by far, than most people. Talent and occupation are two different things and one will cause you to excel at the other. One of my talents is perception. I am better than most at noticing details in human behavior casually and mentally cataloging them for future use. I said perception not empathy. Perception is needed for empathy but I almost never use it for that purpose. I've honed this perception talent through life experience and self assessment and it has served me well. It has allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and speak with confidence to others in a way that has assisted in my career. It has allowed me to excel past others in my field who are twice and thrice more educated than I am. Its lead to a winning streak with certain endeavors that has remained unbroken through my entire professional career. And to be honest the only time it's bit me in the ass is when I've ignored it to make an emotional decision. When those decisions backfire (and they have often) my perception is there saying "should've listened to me."
When you're a winner in certain aspects of life for long enough, you expect to win. You've done it for so long so well that it borders on arrogance and entitlement. You've never lost so why would it happen to you. You don't lose, that's for people that have less talent. It's a mentality that honestly, is just plain stupid. There are only two scenarios in which you can't lose: when you control the ENTIRE scenario, and when you don't try in the first place. The latter is an L in my opinion but some may see it differently. The reality is even when you hold all the cards you don't control the game, and unless you do failure is a possibility.
There was something I wanted really bad. I prayed for it, I prepared for it, I studied and researched for it (i'm not talking about a baby). In the end I didn't get it. I was crestfallen, confused, and disappointed. In these endeavors I have always gotten what I wanted. The classic go to is "well I guess that wasn't for you." In most situations I believe it's a cop out. When people say it what they really mean is "that sucks for you, there's always something else." It implies you weren't good enough, luck wasn't on your side, or something else to make you feel better. In my case I almost always feel I have what it takes and that luck is for excuse makers. It is rare the best prepared man loses except in cases of a more talented opponent who has prepared equally well. There are people more talented that you in all things. There are players who prepare for games better than Lebron, I believe there are players more talented than Lebron. That combination of talent at the highest level and preparation at the highest level is nigh unbeatable. In my opinion, the only time it is when it's part of a divine plan for you to lose (and believe me it happens).
The agony of defeat is real, but it's even worse when you don't see that it's possible. It is the difference between supreme confidence and supreme arrogance. The confident man believes he can achieve success the arrogant man believes he is entitled to it.
And if this world has taught me anything its that you are only entitled to two things: death and opposition to your goals.