Twitter is Trash

FUK Twitter. 

I'm getting really sick of social media. Don't misunderstand me, it has its purpose. It might sound washed but I like Facebook. It allows me to see whats going on in the lives of people I actually give a fuk about. Instagram is good for seeing things that are inspirational (at least to me). This Twitter shxt tho? Zero purpose. The perception that its the most poppin even though its the least profitable and has the lowest active user base of the "big three" aligns perfectly with the walking contradiction that is its stereotypical user. 


Let me get into the app purpose. If FB is you peeking over your neighbors fence and Instagram is watching the highlight reel of someone elses life, then Twitter is the equivalent of randomly yelling out of your front yard window. If you have a strong base of followers, then someone is in your front yard listening and yelling back. 

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Lets get into my favorite Twitter groups *Warning Some of these groups may overlap*. The first group is the clout chasers. These people are the type to have notifications when celebs tweet so they can have a snarky clap back that no one asked for. These are also the same types of people to pin a tweet from 18 months ago because it has a couple thousand retweets or a reply from an actual celebrity. They have things like "blocked by @Big_TymeCeleb" and "followed by @Name_YouRecognize" in their twitter bio. They are the type to attack someone with alot of followers until shxt gets real then watch them hit a moonwalk harder than Michael Jackson at Motown 25, and cop pleas faster than Nino Brown on the stand.

Which brings me to the next group...The Blue Check Brigade of Bullshxt

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These people are the ones with a blue verification check, but only have like 3000 followers. Now I’m not a whore for followers (go follow @BlackMarriedFly) and it certainly shouldn't be a currency of any real life value. But fam why the fuk do you need that check? Are you concerned that one of your 3000 followers is going to accidentally follow a fake account of your exploits? Do you think someone is somewhere saying "Imma scam 10 of that guys followers, that'll knock him down a notch." Were you sitting in your bean bag chair yelling at your roommate about the rent in your overpriced Bronx studio apartment (because its close to Manhattan) and thought "my fans need to know its really me"? These are the type of people who speak about themselves being a "brand". They use buzz phrases like "zeitgeist", "synergy", and "curated experience." The reality is they write unpaid for the Huff Post personal section but consider themselves a journalist, take cellphone pics on a timer and call themselves a model, and say a few lines in a play at the local community center but call themselves a thespian. They are like balloons filled with oxygen. They have an inflated sense of self worth without really having shxt on the inside worth sharing. You can find them aimlessly bouncing on the ground of the proverbial social network party with the rest of the balloons that believe they too were filled with Helium.

Speaking of gassed up this brings me to the last group...Shea Butter Twitter

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I’m going to be clear, i’m not talking about Black Twitter (which I have some issues with, but that will probably be in another post). I’m talking about Shea Butter Twitter. Stereotypically , the Shea butter twitter starter kit comes with the following: Natural Hair, Ornate earrings, a septum piercing, and of course Shea Butter. Sounds like its a women’s only group, right? That is the stereotype but not the reality. The male version of this kit comes with the following: Kente Cloth, Doc Martens, glasses, inexplicable scarves, and a closeted addiction to European fashion brands. The most interesting thing about these two halves of the same asshole is they have the same desire. To disproportionately affect the lives of people they secretly want to be or want to be with. They have the mastered the art of the most ineffective of all protests, the e-protest,. They don't want healing, consensus, or change, they want cancel. To their credit they will do whatever it takes to cancel their target of long as it takes less than 72 hours. After that they've moved on to another topic. These people are the type to consider those that point out the Hypocrisy of their group think mentality to be "divisive" or "deflecting". They like to see whats trending on Twitter before they take a stand for something. The males are the type to tell women what they should be doing and the females are the type to question your manhood if you don't agree. In my attempt to better understand many of these people I have attempted to converse with them. Shea Butter twitter abides by the classic hood proverb: If you ain’t from Shea Butter Twitter, don't come to Shea Butter Twitter. I have observed one type of person that can cause them to start stuttering and eventually disengage. The Millennial Married Black Man. There is a caveat though, the person the black man is married to must also be black or the ether that comes for you will be multiplied 10 fold. I think it may be because Shea Butter women (like many black women) are only hardwired to uplift and not attack a Black Man that handling his business in the community (which I can respect).

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Social Media is interesting in that you can control EXACTLY what you see and read. Yet somehow Twitter is so far from what people express in real life it might as well be Proxima Centauri. You might be asking "Well Treblemaka, how come you’re on Twitter?" Because I don't really have a choice. Black Married Fly is a brand (like an actual brand with a website, a podcast, and T-shirts and shxt) and it needs promotion. In many ways the world is better and worse because of social media. I just can't find any redeeming value in Twitter. Someone might say "Its an instantaneous update of what is going on in the world." Yeah, but 90% of those updates are whats going on in the world of bullshxt. 

And Bullshxt World is like that shxt from Event Horizon. I try to steer my spaceship away from that place as much as possible.

- Treb

Treblemaka prides himself on being the 6'4" Black, loc'd, and Bearded version of one Daria Morgendoffer. The last male heir of a family of Misanthropic Bamas, he enjoys Oreos, exotic dancers, fine leather goods, and anything related to black empowerment. Entering the first stage of his evolution into a millennial curmudgeon he writes on observations as a black married man.

Robert MillerComment