Self-Identity Crisis

Who are you? Who do you want to be?

These are questions everyone asks themselves (or at least should be). The answer to the former being the most important part of your existence. The answer to the latter being the second most important. They are both more important than breathing. Why? Because your body by its very nature will do everything in its power to insure that you keep breathing. Your brain will attempt take control away from your conscious mind to keep you breathing. Everyone supposedly knows who they want to be, but very few people truly do. People want to be doctors, lawyers, entertainers, business people. People want to be rich, they want to be happy, they want to be strong, they want to be powerful. Most people work their entire lives to become one of these monolithic things.  If any of these things are all that you want to be then you have sold yourself short. Why you have sold yourself short probably has a lot to do with not answering the first question. Who are you? Who you are is the most important question to ask yourself because without it you will never maximize the ability to achieve who you want to be. Who you are is the starting point on the journey to decide who you will be. Paths have a starting point and an ending point. Even if the path is self-defined, it must be defined, or it is not a path it is simply existence. Existing is not in and of itself bad, but expecting to achieve anything simply by existing is contrary to the most important fact about the universe: Everything is moving toward entropy and decay. Decay can be fought and slowed but without constant energy it can never be stopped.

If you are simply existing you are, by nature of the universe, sliding toward decay at an accelerated rate.

If you want something with no plan, you are decaying at an accelerated rate.

If you want something without executing on the plan you've created, you are accelerating toward decay.

If you are executing on the plan you've created inconsistently you are accelerating toward decay.

“Get Busy living or get busy dying.”

“Get Busy living or get busy dying.”

Back to who you are

One of the most amazing thing about the human existence is that you get to define who you are. We don't always get to control what we are to others but we can absolutely control who we are.  No matter how little power you have who you are is a choice. I believe who you are is a combination of your actions, the perception others have of you, and your own self-perception. Perception others have of you is something that is out of your control, but is also the smallest part of the You equation. Self-Perception is the most important because your action emanate out of self-perception, it is the most important part of human existence. It is the reason people achieve unimaginable feats and the reason that even the most talented people sometimes achieve very little.

You’ve got to change your Oil

I am someone with a wavering Self-perception. I believe that I am “better” than most, but that I am not special in a specific way. Sounds oxymoronic right? I don’t believe I’m special because I have a low self-esteem issue. The reasons for that issue are for another blog on another day. The point is that they are there. Low self-esteem is like trying to run a car dirty oil.

Will the Car run? Yes

Can it get you to where you want to be? Yes

Will you be much worse off during the journey? Yes

Will it fuk up other parts of the car? Yes

Low self-esteem is not a reason not to figure out who you are and who you want to be. It doesn’t mean you can’t make a plan and start executing. It does mean that the longer you go without addressing the dirty oil that is your low self-esteem the hard it will be to reach the goal. A car can’t replace its own oil. It can only tell the driver when the oil is dirty or low in the way it runs. Some people have the knowledge to replace their own oil, but most people go to a specialist. Someone that can replace oil in their sleep. For self Esteem that person is a therapist. Oil by its very use in a car will get dirty. It’s supposed to. Cars are sterile things devoid of particulates. Neither is your mind. It needs an oil change to stay fresh and be working at peak performance. Even the mentally strongest among us could use a therapist. Everyone is not created equal, some of us come into the world in an environment that allows their engine to develop into a Ferrari 6.5 liter v12. Even those engines need maintenance, and it actually requires more expertise than your therapist has.

Big Engines mean Lots of Maintenance

Big Engines mean Lots of Maintenance

Defining You.

Who you are is a complex question that can be made very simple if you have a deep understanding of self and have been equipped with expert tools either by a therapist or your own self edification. Who am I?

I am a Black Man

I am a Husband

I am a Prince because I am the son of the most powerful being in any existence

I am handsome

I am strong

I am weak

I am prone to addiction

I am flippant

I am overly ambitious

I am emotional

None of these things define me anymore than anything of the others. All of these things are parts of me I will never be able to erase entirely. As I continue to grow I will add more things to this list but once it is added to the list it will never be gone. Only minimized. I accept the parts of myself I do not like and appreciate the parts of myself that I do. Honestly defining and accepting yourself are what must be done before you define who you want to be.

So who do you want to be again?

The answer to this question is important, but how you seek to get to the answer is almost as important. They say a goal is simply a dream with no plan. Dare to Dream though. Out of dreams come goals, out of goals come plans, out of plans come actions, and that is what changes is the world. A man who does not dream is no different than the cow led to slaughter. He is simply something that exists for the use of others. Never stop dreaming, just understand that it alone is not enough to make you truly happy. My dreams, goals, and plans are to:

Become a Father

Impact Black boys and girls to become better than I could ever dream of

Empower the dreams of others of those that will change their communities and the world

Become the healthiest I can to assist others for as long as I can

Be as financially independent as possible

How do I achieve those things? That’s really none of your business (unless you’re trying to invest in my success, then please send me an email). Even if you’re list is the exact same as mine. There are so many ways to get to the goal that my plan likely won’t suit your path and vice versa. That doesn’t mean that we can’t compare notes, because I’m always looking to. But I am not so arrogant that my way is the only way. Anyone who thinks that way is someone to stay away from. It is stagnant thought.

And Stagnant thought is simple accelerating toward decay.

-Rob Immortal


Rob Immortal prides himself on being the 6'4" Black, loc'd, and Bearded version of one Daria Morgendoffer. The last male heir of a family of Misanthropic Bamas, he enjoys Oreos, exotic dancers, fine leather goods, and anything related to black empowerment. Entering the first stage of his evolution into a millennial curmudgeon he writes on observations as a black married man.

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