“It's not many of us, we smile at each other, but how many honest?”
- Kanye West
You know one of the things I like about being a guy? We have a different understanding when it comes to being friends. Shxts super low maintenance. I’ve known my oldest friend for more than 20 years. He asked me to be in his wedding (I wasn't able to go and it still bothers me to this day), I was a pallbearer at his father's funeral,, I helped him move into his first apartment. He is my roll dog. I am 100% sure that if I called him at 3 am and needed some help he'd only ask 4 questions: Are you okay? Is your wife okay? When and where do you need me? Here's the thing tho. We might talk maybe 5 times a year, and that includes texting.
Has our relationship changed? I would say yes. He's got a wife and a career and things that come before and require more maintenance than a friendship. I have increasing life responsibilities as well. That's the nature of people, we grow and change and pivot. If you have the same type of relationship at 12 that you have at 34 with a friend consider yourself blessed. What you have is not the norm and should not be an expectation.
To me it's not necessarily the frequency, it's the quality of the communication that builds and solidifies a relationship. I don't need to talk to you every week, as long as when we talk it isn't small talk. When people let you into who they really are and what they really think it's a sign of trust. Friends are people that want what's best for you and will try to help you get it if they can. I've had to learn the hard way that if someone isn't a value add to your life in some form or fashion, they aren't a friend. Which brings me to my next thought…
I'm not a point where I want to just "kick it" with people anymore. Not to be snobby, but I’m trying to maximize my time. If there's nothing for anyone to get out of other than "chill" its probably not for me. I'm trying to learn from people who are where I’m trying to get to, and pour into people who want to avoid my mistakes. Trying to walk with people who aren't walking in the same direction as I am only leads to confusion. Don't get me wrong, it's cool to catch up and let your hair down, but if that's the only value “kicking it” has for us. I probably won’t be kicking it with you much. No hard feelings, but I don’t have kicking it time like that anymore. I’m in my thirties and I don’t want to be in my forties and be in the same position I’m in now. Because if I am, that means by the time I hit my fifties I won’t be in the financial position necessary to start easing back and transitioning to the next phase of my life
Some people understand. They get that two people have been friends and sometimes they grow in different directions. That doesn’t mean that we have to grow apart. For me time value is about time quality not time quantity. I’ve got love for all my friends, if I don’t then i’m probably cutting you off. Sometimes that can be painful, but by the time I cut someone off i’ve pretty much exorcised any feels I had and let them go.
Here’s the other shxt: You can’t complain about having trash friends if you’re a trash friend/person. If you never call, if you never check on people, if you never show friendship, don’t expect it to just fall out of the sky on you. It's like expecting to make it big in the stock market but you never invest. People have chased off potential friends who could’ve changed their lives because they were being shxtty people. You have to be what you want from people, true assets to your life don’t show up and stay if they’re gold and your shxt. Don’t be afraid to get new people when the current ones are fulfilling you the way you need. This isn’t Facebook, God didn’t place a friend cap on people. It’s okay to have different friends for different interests.
Just make sure that you’re being someone that is being a net gain for your friends instead of a net loss for them. No one likes a poor return on investment.