Getting my Shyt Together: The Happy Circle Pill
Welcome back to my blog y’all! I am so happy y’all continue to support me and my endeavors, as sporadic and chaotic as they may seem.
Today I just want to share something that I have been doing that has helped me tremendously this past month. As you may know the “Getting my Shyt Together” series is primarily about my battle with depression and how I manage it while maintaining a sense of self and fairly high productivity.
“What the hell do you be doing Candace DeNea, you never post on IG?”
You’re right, I have a terrible habit of not posting as much as an entertainer should. Really, I think that y’all think that the stuff I occupy myself with is boring because it doesn’t fit the Love and HipHop ratchet narrative that women seem to love right now. Now don’t get it twisted, I ain't no punk ass bitch, but I prefer to spend my time these days doing things that could create a better future and that are simply less fleeting. If you listen to Black.Married.Fly Podcast, then you know I am all about uplifting the black community; I am a teacher, I cook, I am learning to sew, I am in grad school, and a teaching certification program. Not to mention, I am in the process of writing a book. For you family women out there, you know how hard it can be to juggle your aspirations and stuff with a family even if it is just a husband. Lets throw some depression and anxiety in the mix and you end up with a ticking time bomb just waiting to fuck all your shit up.
No lie it almost did. I felt like I was doing ok when I was seeing my therapist weekly but a change in my insurance made that unaffordable and since I was having issues I never got around to finding another. I like the one I have. When I got to the point of crying on a daily basis anytime I was alone (I just can’t cry in front of people like that. It should feel good to let it go but I feel weak af when I do it alone and even worse with an audience.) I knew I had to do something. I made an appointment with my new MD, a black man named Dr. Hinton because supporting Black business and professionals are important to me. Dr. Hinton diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety; it was not a surprise considering how I had been feeling and acting over the last 5 mos.
I started on Zoloft the next day and experienced every side effect under the sun while teaching. It was terrible. After talking with the nurse at his office, Dr. Hinton immediately called in a script for Celexa. No side effects with that one and having taken it for 1 full month now; I can honestly say that I clearly had an imbalance going on. I have a ton more energy, my head is a lot clearer, I still don’t want to exercise but that's just me, and I feel something other than anxiety and despair.
At the end of the day I was nervous about going the drug route. My mother suffers from depression and I didn’t like what I perceived her experience to be when I was a child. I also have taken some anti-anxiety meds in the past that made me feel like a zombie. Not to mention, all of the stigma surrounding mental health in the Black Community. I felt like if I went on a happy circle pill that I was officially branding myself as crazy. In reality, it is crazy NOT to explore every option at maintaining a life based on wellness. The rest of me and my endeavors can’t be healthy if my mind isn't. Do I think everyone needs a pill? Absolutely not. In the event that you find yourself in a hole that you cannot seem to get yourself out of, if your other priorities are being negatively affected by your mood (or lack there of), and if your day ones are expressing concern, PLEASE consider seeing a doctor and explore treatment for your condition. There is nothing weak about admitting and accepting help.