But You Said....

What up yall? Thanks for coming back to my corner of the inters of net. Now I originally wanted to do a DIY for Jazzmyn Blu’s wedding centerpieces but by the time it came down to doing it I was completely overwhelmed and burned out. As a result, I forgot to take pictures for the step by step.

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In reality what shook up my word was depression and anxiety surrounding my upcoming fertility appointment. So since December 2018 I have started seeing a fertility specialist, Dr. Sara Mucowski shout out to her she recently was named one of the best in DFW and received another award for her research in the field . It's not that I don't trust her to do her thing, because obviously they dont give awards to shitty doctors, I’m literally still uncomfortable with the whole IVF thing.

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I know yall probably reading this like “Bitch don’t do it then.” In reality my rational brain pushes me forward as a necessary evil in order to get the baby. My emotional brain is still down about it and wants to feel sorry for myself, which I often do. The depression in my world is so stupid dumb thick she clappin dat ass around the pole and getting all the dollars... okay!

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That people who aren’t going through this situation don’t seem to understand is that no matter what, the women is the one who undergoes all of the testing, she is the one constantly getting her blood drawn, and the doctors don’t give a damn about the husband/ sperm donor until it's time for a specimen. Everything is on you and it comes at you fast. Literally our first appointment I had 3 blood draws before I had any real time to process what information I was given just minutes before. All my husband did was hold my purse. The experience it trying for both parties but I really feel like being a participant and a bystander just aren't equal. So since I had testing this week, which is always physically uncomfortable, my desire to do anything is low and my stress/ anxiety levels are sky high.

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So to all the families that are on this journey too, don’t be ashamed because you shut down for a minute. Partners be good and patient with her as she deals with these emotions, let downs, and high moments even before meds come in it is an emotional rollercoaster. And for those watching from afar, give space, don’t get mad if their distant or breaking plans... their just trying to keep their shit together. FERTILITY IS NOT EASY FOR EVERYONE!!!!!! But, everyone thinks it should be, so if you’re that person who gets pregnant with a sneeze STFU and take care of your kids and don’t offer unsolicited advice, we aint cool like that.

Robert MillerComment